To My Absent Mother…
It’s because of you that I can no longer trust people the way that I used to.
Remember when you would promise over and over that you would do something and didn’t? It’s those empty promises that have drastically changed my view on a lot of things.
All I ever wanted was for you to show that you cared. To tell me that you were proud of me. To hug me from time to time.
I really needed you. How could you leave so unexpected?
I think of you every time I get a whiff of a cigarette smell.
You are the reason that I had to grow up entirely too fast. Your absence in my life just shows me that I’m able to achieve things on my own.
School dance shows, band concerts, and never being home to help me with my homework. It’s because of those moments when you didn’t show me any support in my times of need that I was motivated to work a little harder.
It is because of you that I have grown stronger with my dad. He stuck around through the hardest of times and was there to celebrate my very best. From the day I was born, he took on the role of my parent, which meant taking responsibility for me, being my biggest supporter, and teaching me the ways of the world.
I have also found great mentors in some of my teachers. Like Mr. Roy for example… one of my band directors. He allows me to vent my feelings, but the most important thing to me is that he listens to my problems with no hesitations at all. I have found amazing friends that I can count on with everything. The person I think I needed the most was my boyfriend.
My boyfriend taught me that it is okay to not be okay. He understands my situation with you, Mom. He comforts me. I am writing this for myself, not for you. The greatest hardship in my life was myself, but I promise I am coming back stronger than ever.
I am not bashing you or trying to put your name out there purposely. I actually wanted to thank you.
I am strong. I am simply me due to the nonexistence of you.
I am okay with the life that I live, and I have even learned to love the person that I am growing into.
Don’t feel bad; I promise I am more than okay without you.